He rose slowly from the murky depths of unconsciousness, heading with all his strength for the light that lay before him. He struggled to focus, but the pain in his head caused the scene before him to blur as tears welled in his eyes. He kept fighting, impelled by the conviction that he had learned something important, something he had to tell them before it was too late. There it was again! Like glimpsing the sonorous tolling of a temple bell, or smelling a delicate shade of chartreuse - "A vatch," he managed to croak. "I relled a vatch!"
Silence. Then he heard a familiar voice say, hesitantly, "I think he's still delirious."
Obviously he hadn't gotten his message across clearly. He tried to reassure them. "No buttered scones for me, mater. I'm off to play the grand piano!"
Another worried voice said, "Oh dear, he's getting worse. Isn't there anything you can do, Dr. Tofu?"
Dr. Tofu! He knew that name! Just another minute, and he would be able to recall his own name.
"I don't know, Kasumi," a male voice said. Dr. Tofu indeed! "Normally I would say that he should be all right in a short time. Ranma's powers of recuperation are quite extraordinary. He has been unconscious for three days, however."
Ranma, that was his name. Now if he could only hang on to that, he might be ready to face - well, whatever it was he had to face. He calmed his racing heart, then slowly opened his eyes again. The pain returned, but it seemed to have lessened somewhat. The room and the people around him swam into view. He was in his own room, he could see that now. Clustered around his futon were, let's see, Kasumi and Nabiki, Ukyo and Shampoo (two of his fiancées, he recalled), Mr. Tendo and Genma, his own father. Over there were his mother, and Cologne, and Akari (what was she doing here?) and his two occasional friends, Ryoga and Mousse. They must all have been quite concerned about him, which was understandable if he'd been out that long.
"Ranma, how are you feeling?" Dr. Tofu asked in a soothing voice.
"My head's killing me," Ranma groaned, as he managed to sit up with the doctor's assistance. "What happened, did that uncute tomboy clock me one when I wasn't looking?"
To his surprise, tears welled up in Ukyo's eyes, as she said with a sob, "Ran-chan! How can you say that! You know I would never hurt you!"
Ranma blinked. Before he could say anything, Shampoo cut in, in a disgusted tone, "Just great! Stupid spatula girl blubbering again."
"Waaaah! I'm not blubbering!" Ukyo blubbered. "Why are you always so mean? It's probably your fault, Shampoo. You're the one who's always hitting poor Ran-chan!"
"Only hit stupid Ranma when he being really stupid," Shampoo said angrily. "Not hit him this time, stupid spatula girl. Should maybe hit you, instead."
"You really need to learn a new insult, Shampoo," Nabiki said coolly. "If I had a yen for each time I've heard that well-worn battle cry 'Stupid Ranma' I'd be even richer than I am now." She held out a teacup to him with a slightly nervous smile. "Here, Ranma, you must be parched."
"Thanks, Nabiki," he said gratefully, failing to catch the horrified looks being exchanged by the other people in the room. Something odd was going on here, he reflected, as he lifted the cup to his lips. This particular train of thought was immediately derailed as soon as he had taken a sip of the straw-colored liquid he had naively assumed to be tea. He spat it out instantly and tried to keep his appalled stomach from leaping up his throat and smacking him in the head for subjecting it to such an ordeal. "Gaah! I'm drinking sewage!"
A hurt, bewildered look flashed across Nabiki's face, before she assumed the cold, indifferent mask he was used to. "If it's not the way you like it, you just had to say so."
"Of course it's not the way he likes it, Nabiki dear," Akari said sweetly, pushing her way forward and kneeling next to Ranma. Ranma couldn't help but notice that she seemed to be wearing rather more makeup than usual. That skirt was several inches shorter than he remembered, and surely she hadn't always worn blouses that low cut, had she? "Like most people, he prefers his beverages non-toxic." Her voice grew husky. "What you really need is some womanly comforting, isn't that right, Ranma?" Without waiting for a response, she reached out and pulled his face firmly into her bosom.
The mind can react oddly in a crisis. Ranma's first thought was that he had never realized what a nice figure Akari had. It was only when he heard her begin to moan throatily that he realized something was very wrong. A babble of voices rose around him, of which the loudest was a female voice screaming, "DIE RANMA!"
Cleverly sensing danger, Ranma leaped backwards several feet, not an easy task given the position he'd been in. He looked around quickly. Shampoo's bonbori had smashed through his futon and embedded itself deeply in the floor. The young Amazon struggled fruitlessly to free her weapon, cursing him roundly the whole time (Ranma hadn't learned much Chinese, but as the son of Genma Saotome he always got to hear a lot of profanity, generally directed at them, so he tended to pick that up pretty quickly). Ukyo had collapsed to the floor and was sobbing her heart out. Everyone else seemed to be shouting at him, but there was too much noise to make anything out.
Taking a deep breath, he howled, "SHUT UP!" Amazingly, everyone did. Ranma glared around the room. "All right, would somebody tell me what the hell's going on here?"
"It would seem fairly obvious what's going on, Ranma," Nabiki said icily. "And I warned you what would happen if you took up with that tramp again. Now I really would regret bankrupting your family and taking any money you may happen to make over the next twenty years, but I'll do it if I have to."
"How dare you subject Nabiki to such a disgusting display," a seething Ryoga burst in. "I should kill you with my bare hands for treating her this way."
"If anyone is going to kill him, it will be me, for defiling the dignity of the Amazons, and the honor of Shampoo, his rightful fiancée," Mousse retorted.
"All right," Ranma said loudly. "The joke's over. It ain't April Fool's Day, so I don't know why you're all doing this, but it ain't funny, OK?" Looking around, he added, "How come Akane's not here? Did she set this whole thing up?"
The room fell silent again. Finally, Genma said, "Akane? What are you talking about, son?"
Ranma frowned. "Akane, my fiancée. Name ring a bell?" he asked sarcastically.
More silence, as everyone stared at him.
"What? What did I say?"
His mother was the first to speak. "Ranma, I don't want you to think I don't appreciate your attempts to prove your manliness, but it's not necessary anymore. Really, son, I think four fiancées is enough for anyone. Why on earth would you want another one? Is this yet another of your father's arrangements?" she asked, looking sternly at Genma.
"How could you do this to us, Genma?" Soun Tendo wept. "Don't we have enough troubles already?"
Genma waved his hands. "No, honestly, this isn't one of mine. Ranma must have found her on his own."
"Are you trying to weasel out of your engagement to Shampoo, Saotome?" Mousse growled. "It won't work!"
"Oh, knock it off, Mousse! What are you on, Pop? I'm talking about Akane. Your daughter, Mr. Tendo, remember?"
Soun burst into tears again. "My poor Nabiki! Ranma has forgotten your name!"
"Would you cut it out!" Ranma said, his voice rising. "Not Nabiki, I mean your other daughter."
"What?" Kasumi squeaked.
"Ranma, you scum!" Dr. Tofu's face grew red. "I warned you what would happen if you dared lay your filthy hands on my sweet Kasumi!"
Ranma gaped at him. This was not at all the Dr. Tofu he remembered. "What the hell's wrong with you people? Not Kasumi. I'm talking about Akane Tendo, the third and youngest Tendo daughter, the one I'm engaged to. Has everybody gone nuts?"
"But Ranma," a confused Soun Tendo said, "I only have two daughters."
"This is ridiculous," Ranma groused, storming out of the room. "I'm gonna find Akane and find out what's going on." Trailed by the others, he ran down to Akane's room. "Even took her name down, huh," he said sourly, and threw the door open. He stopped dead and stared around in consternation. "Where's Akane's stuff, and who does all this other junk belong to? What are you guys trying to pull?"
"Ranma, you know this is the room your parents sleep in," Kasumi said, her brow wrinkled.
"This ain't funny," he said angrily, and began searching the whole house, to no avail. Not a trace of Akane's presence could be found. While he was looking for her favorite cup in the kitchen, his eye was suddenly caught by the microwave. Something wasn't right. It seemed - older than it should. He paled as the realization hit him. "That's the old microwave, the one Akane blew up when she tried to cook eggs in it!"
"Don't be silly, Ran-chan," Ukyo said behind him. "Even Nabiki, as bad a cook as she is, wouldn't do something as stupid as that. I don't think."
"Ha ha," Nabiki said. "I may not be the world's best cook, but at least when Ranma's with me, people don't have to wonder which one is the girl. Although I suppose you'd be all set if he ever gets stuck in female form again."
Ukyo turned bright red. "Why you - you -"
"Don't strain yourself trying to think of a comeback, Ukyo dear," Akari advised lazily, leaning against the doorway. "In a battle of wits with Nabiki, you're nearly unarmed."
As Ukyo tried to cope with this new attack, Akari sighed and said, "You know, if we could combine you and Nabiki into one person, we might actually have something approximating a real woman. Fortunately for Ranma," running her hands sensuously down her sides, "the total package is already available. And you know what they say, 'Try before you buy,'" she hinted, gazing longingly at the object of all their affections.
"Pig girl slut keep hands off Ranma or lose hands," Shampoo said tersely.
"Was that a threat, Shampoo darling? Sometimes it's hard to tell. I would really recommend those remedial language classes, dear. It's so important to make yourself understood," Akari purred. "For instance, if Katsunishiki were to get the no doubt totally erroneous impression that you had threatened me, he might feel compelled to protect me. I'll have to show you pictures sometime of the last person who threatened me, or what was left of him, anyway. Gruesome, but instructive."
Ranma remained totally oblivious of this by-play, as his mind grappled with the reality of what he saw, or didn't see. Everyone present disclaimed all knowledge of Akane; worse, he could find none of the concrete evidence of her that should be scattered throughout the house. There had to be something - something that couldn't just be taken away without leaving a trace - of course! "Pictures!" he exclaimed, snapping his fingers. He ran to get the photo albums. "Even if somebody took all the photos with Akane in 'em out, I'll know something's wrong from all the empty spaces left."
He grabbed the album, and it fell open to a picture of Kasumi's high school graduation. There were all the Tendos, and - no Akane. Ranma sat and stared at the picture. There was Kasumi, with her father and Nabiki on either side, smiling at the camera. The picture Ranma remembered had Akane next to Kasumi, and everyone in slightly different poses, so he couldn't even explain it by some simple photographic trickery. He leafed through the rest of the album. No empty spaces. Many pictures that he recalled were simply not there - pictures of Akane practicing her martial arts, for instance. Some he recalled were present, with only two Tendo daughters shown - pictures of the Tendos on a picnic, the Tendos at home, the Tendos celebrating Mrs. Tendo's birthday. There were even some pictures he had never seen before - a young Nabiki holding a tray of burned, blackened cookies, for instance. Nowhere, however, was there any evidence of Akane; nowhere was there any sign that there had ever been any evidence of Akane. The book slipped from his nerveless fingers and dropped to the floor as Ranma sat and stared blindly into the distance.
"Ranma?" His mother knelt beside him. "Come back to bed, dear." With Dr. Tofu's assistance, she managed to get the dazed Ranma back to his room. Once there, she settled him back on his futon, then turned to the others who had crowded in behind them. "I think what Ranma needs more than anything right now is some rest. Dr. Tofu, could you remain behind, please?"
The throng unwillingly dispersed, leaving only Nodoka Saotome, the doctor, and Cologne with Ranma. Nodoka looked at the Amazon matriarch inquiringly.
"I'd like to remain, please," the old woman said in a civil tone. "I may have an idea about what's going on."
Nodoka nodded her acquiescence and turned back to her son. "As you can see, Ranma, we don't know anything about a fiancée of yours named Akane. As far as I know, you have four fiancées: Nabiki, due to the old agreement between your father and Soun Tendo; Shampoo, since you defeated her in battle; Ukyo, because of the other agreement your father made; and Akari, since you defeated her bodyguard pig, Katsunishiki."
Ranma regarded the three before him warily. "I don't know what's going on here, but - wait a minute! Of course! This is your doing, ain't it, old ghoul? You used that Formula 110 on everybody to make them forget Akane, just like when Shampoo made Akane forget about me. Well, it didn't work then and it ain't gonna work now. I still remember her, and I'm gonna get her back!"
Cologne gazed back at him steadily, seemingly unmoved by the sight of the angry teen glaring at her. "I can understand why you might say that, Ranma. If you will think it over, you'll see why that's not the answer. Yes, Shampoo did use Formula 110 to make someone forget about you, though our recollection is that she used it on Nabiki." She glanced at Nodoka and Dr. Tofu for confirmation. As they nodded their agreement, she continued, "It would certainly be possible, though somewhat difficult, for me to use the formula on all the people here. But son-in-law, do you really believe that if I wanted to do something like that, that I would fail to erase your memory above all others? Moreover, why would I do this to only one of your fiancées, rather than all of them, so that Shampoo would win by default?"
Ranma retorted hotly, "Because Akane is the one I - the one I...." His voice trailed off. He had never told anyone of the realization that had come to him in Jusendo, after he had defeated Saffron. As he held Akane's body in his arms, he had finally admitted to himself that he loved her. He hadn't been able to tell her about it yet; he certainly didn't want to tell anyone else before her, but it seemed he had no choice. "Because she's the one I love," he finished softly.
Nodoka and Dr. Tofu stared at him in astonishment. Cologne simply said calmly, "That of course would be a good reason. You must admit, though, that would make it all the more imperative for me to erase your memory of her as well. In addition, as you know, the formula only affects memories. It wouldn't remove physical evidence of this girl. I take it you found nothing to indicate she ever existed?" When Ranma said nothing, she went on, "There you are, then."
Ranma bit his lip. "You could have cast some weird spell," he said uncertainly. "Maybe - maybe even killed her, and removed all trace," he growled, his anger returning.
Cologne shook her head. "Son-in-law, if Shampoo or I could cast spells that mighty, we would have taken you back with us long before this. And again, we would make sure, above all else, that your memory was erased."
Ranma's shoulders slumped. As long as he had an explanation, he was able to ignore the growing hollowness inside. Unable to refute Cologne's logic, he floundered, trying to comprehend what was happening to him.
"Perhaps," Cologne suggested, "you could tell us what you remember about this Akane."
Dr. Tofu frowned, and began, "Do you really think -" but broke off as Cologne shushed him.
Ranma shrugged, unsure what good it would do, but unable to think of any better course of action. "First time I ever saw her was when Pop dragged me here after we left China...." He spoke haltingly at first, then gradually relaxed as he lost himself in his story. The morning wore on as he spoke, his eyes no longer focused on anything in the room.
Finally, his voice growing hoarse, he told of the abortive wedding, and its aftermath. "That was about a month ago. Last thing I remember was sparring with Akane in the dojo, then I woke up here."
He noticed the three exchanging puzzled glances, and said irritably, "Okay, what is it?"
Cologne said calmly, "What you have told us corresponds to a large extent with our knowledge of your life since you arrived in Nerima, with the obvious exception of Akane. The question is, how to account for this."
Dr. Tofu said with a frown, "Could these memories have been implanted in him, in rather the opposite manner of your Formula 110, Cologne?"
She shrugged. "I know of no way to achieve such a wide-ranging and thorough effect, especially in the short space of time Ranma was missing. Of course, that doesn't mean such a way does not exist."
The physician turned his gaze back to Ranma. "As you examine your memories, Ranma, do you find any gaps? Any places where things don't seem to make sense?"
Ranma snorted. "Yeah right, like anything about my life for the last year's made a lot of sense. I see what you're getting at, but I don't buy it. My memories of Akane are real. I might just as well say that what I'm seeing and hearing now is all an illusion, you know? And I've had enough trouble with that kind of stuff before."
At the doctor's inquiring look, Ranma explained, "In school a few years ago I had this teacher who must have taken some philosophy course sometime. He said he was trying to 'expand our minds' or something, so he told us about how you really couldn't prove the existence of the world or the reality of your memories and junk like that. Said we couldn't prove that this wasn't all some big dream or other, and maybe we were just imagining everything, including being in class. I said I thought it sounded pretty stupid, and he started yelling at me and daring me to prove him wrong, so I slugged him in the stomach and told him to imagine it didn't hurt."
Dr. Tofu chuckled involuntarily. "You and Samuel Jonson, eh Ranma?" At Ranma's frown he shook his head, saying, "Forget it, it doesn't matter."
Ranma's frown cleared after a moment and he said, "Oh yeah, that bit about Jonson kicking the rock and saying, "Thus I refute Berkeley," right?" Noting Tofu's surprise, Ranma continued, "Part of my punishment for hitting the teacher was to write this paper about different philosophers who argued that idea, including that Bishop Berkeley bozo. Man, I agree with Jonson. This whole bit about worrying about underlying realities made about as much sense as trying to enter the world of Platonic ideals, you know. Big waste of time. Far as I'm concerned, what I'm going through now is real, and so are my memories."
"Since the two would seem to be at odds," Cologne inquired, "how do you propose to reconcile them?"
"This whole deal kinda reminds me of something," Ranma muttered. "It's like - I got it!" he said, snapping his fingers. "I watched this TV show one time, and this guy woke up next to his wife, only she said they weren't married, and in fact she didn't even know him. So he left, and he found out nobody knew him, and there wasn't any record of him anywhere. It turned out he'd fallen into another world, like, where he'd never been born. Maybe that's what's happened to me - I'm in some world where Akane was never born!"
Cologne regarded him thoughtfully. "If that is the case, where is the Ranma who belongs in this world?"
"I don't know. Back in my world, maybe." Ranma stopped to consider this. A Ranma from a world where Akane didn't exist, with fiancée problems even worse than mine, he thought. Damn, I better get back fast, or he'll be falling in love with her in no time. He grimaced. The last thing he needed was to worry about himself trying to steal Akane from himself. Only, without knowing how he got here, how could he ever get back?
"It's an interesting idea," Nodoka began, only to be interrupted by Cologne.
"I think we'd better leave Ranma to his rest, now, while we discuss what is to be done."
As they left the room, Ranma lay down and tried to relax. It was a futile effort. His mind was spinning out of control, trying to grasp what had happened. After a few minutes, he got up and headed down the hall to join the discussion. Maybe it wouldn't do any good to hash it out again, but he couldn't just lie there. He heard voices coming from the living room, and stopped to listen.
"Almost all the things he told us are like that," he heard his mother say. "The overall events are generally the same, but the details are changed by the introduction of this Akane into the picture. Akane goes to rescue him from that Martial Arts Tea Ceremony family, rather than Shampoo. Pansuto Taro kidnaps Akane, rather than Ukyo, and so on. There are other, unrelated changes. For example, Ryoga defeats Akari's pig, rather than Ranma, so she falls in love with him, instead."
"You must be joking," Akari drawled. "I'm fond of my pigs, but I draw the line at dating one."
"Like I'd even want to touch a skag like you," Ryoga said nastily.
"A touch is probably about all you'd be good for," she riposted.
"Enough, children!" Nodoka said sharply. "This is not helping. Ranma is having delusions, and we need to figure what to do. Dr. Tofu, is there anything you can tell us?"
"I don't know, Mrs. Saotome," the doctor said hesitantly. "It doesn't seem like a simple case of mental aberration. The story he told would seem too elaborate and detailed to be something dreamed up by his mind while he lay unconscious, and I never noticed any sign of these delusions before. Of course, mental health is not my field, and there is the whole question of what happened to him three days ago before he was found lying on the street. This may be some long term problem only now coming to light."
"I think Ranma is telling the truth, to the best of his ability, at any rate," Cologne said thoughtfully.
"What do you mean?"
Cologne paused. "I hadn't planned on telling anyone this, but I suppose there's no point in keeping it secret now. I believe that Ranma was attacked by an old rival of mine from our village. I received a letter some days ago from Xiar Min, warning me that she would be arriving to take her revenge. I assumed she would come after me, but it's possible she may have attacked Ranma, as a first step. If she could make it impossible for Shampoo to marry Ranma, it would be a significant loss of face for Shampoo, and by extension for me."
"Do you think she tried to kill him, and failed?" Nodoka asked.
"No, killing Ranma would merely end the engagement, with no shame attaching to Shampoo. I imagine she tried to cast a spell that would prevent the marriage by some means. After studying the spell ingredients I found around his body, in particular a peculiar green powder on his clothes, I have come to the conclusion that she tried to cast a certain spell, one of the most difficult known to my tribe, that would banish Ranma to another plane of existence. He would still be alive, as could be demonstrated by certain spells I know, so that the engagement would be left intact. With Ranma alive, but unavailable, it would be impossible for Shampoo to marry him, and also impossible for her to break the engagement, since that would require his presence."
"But the spell failed," Ukyo pointed out. "Ran-chan's still here."
"That no surprise," Shampoo said in disgust. "Xiar Min big screw-up."
"She is a very powerful sorceress," Mousse explained, "who is constantly devising new spells and variations on old ones, with quite erratic results. She seldom achieves exactly what she aims for."
"If she attempted to light a cooking fire in the village," Cologne said, "she would either burn her dwelling down, set off a torrential downpour, or turn everyone bright blue for a week. Even when she accidentally devises a useful spell, her memory is so bad that she usually forgets it in a matter of days, and is forced to improvise again, with generally disastrous results. That's the main reason she was expelled. Here I would guess one of two things happened. Either, as Ranma suggests, she somehow caused our Ranma to trade places with the Ranma of another world, a world where things happened differently from our own, including the birth of this Akane Tendo, or she caused our Ranma's memories to become scrambled, perhaps by having him live out the mythical events of the last year in a type of dream."
"Which is it?" Nabiki asked impatiently. "Is this our Ranma or not?"
"I don't know," Cologne admitted. "Nothing is the story he told seems inherently impossible."
"I don't recall Ranma ever saying anything before about visiting a place called Ryugenzawa Forest," Nodoka offered. "Is there such a place?"
"Ryugenzawa?" Ryoga said, in a startled voice. "I was there once. Weird giant animals all over the place. I ran into a kid named - what was it - Shinnosuke."
"Did you ever mention it to Ranma?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"No," Ryoga replied. "I did tell Nabiki one time."
"And Ranma could have overheard it," Cologne summarized. "That is the problem. Anything unexpected Ranma tells us from his new memories that we can verify, he could have learned elsewhere. Anything that doesn't match events and facts in our world could be due to differences between the two worlds. Even impossibilities in his story could be due to the spell affecting his recall of events in his own world. Essentially, I know of no way we can tell for certain if this is our Ranma or not. Although...."
"What is it?" Genma asked.
"Something struck me while I listened to Ranma. The world he described, and in particular this girl Akane, sounded very much like something son-in-law might have imagined if he were to try to dream up an ideal life for himself."
Ranma blinked. The notion that the life he remembered was in any sense ideal was almost too bizarre for him to grasp.
"So that would point to his story being in the nature of a wish-fulfillment dream," Nabiki said meditatively.
"But what makes that life an ideal one?" Ukyo objected. "Mrs. Saotome said there weren't that many changes."
"There weren't many changes, but they were significant. Consider Ranma. He is a generally self-sufficient and in many ways self-centered individual. Still, no man is an island, and Ranma is a lonely boy with no real friends. As for his love life, to be blunt, he has a host of fiancées, none of whom he loves, or even likes particularly."
"Waaaaaaaaah! How can you say Ran-chan doesn't love me!" Ukyo wailed.
Raising her voice to be heard over Ukyo's sobs, Cologne said, "Doctor, if you would be so kind?"
WHAM!
"I actually meant for you to use a pressure point to quiet her down, but I suppose hitting her with the table works just as well."
"Damn straight," the kindly healer grunted. "Makes me feel better, too."
"To continue," Cologne said, "Ranma's consuming passion is the martial arts. His fiancées either do not share this passion, like Nabiki and Akari, or have other, more pressing interests: with Ukyo, her okonomiyaki; with Shampoo, her status as future leader of the Amazons. Although I assume he would like to love someone, he is hampered by his emotional immaturity and his ambivalent attitude toward, shall we say, the physical aspects of love."
"No kidding," Akari said gloomily.
"Assuming we grant the accuracy of your description," Nabiki said, "what do you conclude?"
"In Ranma's story, Ryoga, although starting out a rival for Akane, has come to love Akari as well, and becomes the closest thing to a male friend Ranma has, after giving up on Akane. Amazons in this world, or dream, are not strictly exogamous, and Mousse, rather than helping Shampoo win Ranma, is in love with her himself. As he comes to realize that Ranma has no intention of marrying Shampoo, and that his affections are engaged elsewhere, Mousse also becomes friendlier."
"Me? Love Shampoo? That's sick!" Mousse exclaimed.
"Friends with that bastard? I'd rather kill myself," Ryoga said flatly.
"Exactly," Cologne said dryly. "As for his fiancées, Akari is interested in Ryoga, Ranma is not engaged to Nabiki, Ukyo is not nearly as over-emotional, and Shampoo is rather less violent. A more satisfactory situation all round. As for Akane - she's a martial artist, just as he is. If Ranma marries her, they inherit the Tendo dojo and can run it together. She is not as highly trained as he is, but she has tremendous potential, even greater than Ranma's current abilities. She has a generally kind and forgiving nature, but is as unsure about love as Ranma is, with the result that their relationship develops slowly, at a pace Ranma is more comfortable with. They fight sometimes, but they never stay angry with each other for long. Ranma describes her as cute and tomboyish, rather than beautiful, the latter of which would likely make him uneasy. All in all, she sounds fairly close to Ranma's ideal."
"What about her terrible cooking and her temper? Ranma complained enough about those," Nodoka interjected.
"That is a point," Cologne acknowledged. "If Akane is in some sense a composite, then she might have gotten Nabiki's incompetence in the kitchen, just as she acquired Shampoo's temper. You'll notice that Ranma mentioned her cooking was improving. Additionally, both flaws served, in the context of his narrative, as useful devices to keep their relationship from progressing too swiftly."
"Do you think, then, that Ranma is suffering from false memories?" Nabiki asked.
"I don't know," Cologne responded. "The facts I've outlined might incline one toward that view, but there is simply no definite proof."
"This is not an acceptable situation," Nodoka said sharply. "Can we locate this Xiar Min and find out from her? Perhaps force her to undo whatever spell she used?"
"We could find her, but it would be unlikely to help. First, her intent when she cast the spell is irrelevant, since the actual result would be something else again. Second, never in all the time I've known her did she succeed in intentionally undoing one of her own spells."
Silence. Ranma closed his eyes and tried to bring some kind of order to his whirling thoughts.
"If we cannot tell which is the case, perhaps it is a distinction without a difference," Nodoka said thoughtfully.
"What exactly do you mean?" Cologne asked, in a voice that seemed to suggest she had a very good idea.
"We have a Ranma on our hands who has memories of people and events that bear little or no correspondence to the real world. The notion that these are false memories is certainly a more believable one than that somehow Ranma has traveled to some mythical other world. In any event, as long as he fancies himself in love with this Akane, he will be even more unwilling than he has been to fulfill his duty to the family and the Saotome school by choosing a wife. Therefore, as things stand, he is of no use to any of us. Since these memories are the source of the problem, I suggest we remove them. Cologne, do you have a supply of your Formula 110?"
"I do," Cologne said slowly. "You realize that simply erasing these memories of Akane will be unlikely to restore the 'original' memories."
"Yes," Nodoka replied coolly. "We can simply tell him that he is suffering from partial amnesia, induced by a concussion during one of his fights. He will accept this, and soon adapt to the situation."
"All right," Cologne said quietly. "Are the rest of you in agreement on this?"
After a few moments of silence, most of those present murmured their assent.
"Very well," Cologne said, an odd note in her voice. "Mousse, please return to the restaurant and fetch the formula. I will apply it myself."
Ranma fled silently back to his room and closed the door behind him. He could not believe what he had heard. His own mother was proposing to wipe out his memories of the girl he loved! They were all going to brainwash him just so they could force him to pick one of those horrible girls. He had to get out of here, immediately. Sliding the window open stealthily, he made good his escape. Leaping the wall, he ran off at top speed, and didn't stop until he had placed a few miles between himself and his so-called friends and family.
He wandered down the street morosely. Could things get any worse?
"Pig-tailed one!"
Stupid question. Of course they could.
He turned around just as Tatewaki Kuno swept him up in a strong embrace. Ranma was about to punch him away as usual, when he suddenly froze. Something was wrong here. What was it?
"Oh Ranma, my love. Have you finally realized those girls are no good for you? I'm the only one who really loves you, who really understands. Ah, so strong and manly is your scent, my senses reel," Kuno said, nuzzling his neck.
That's right. He was currently male.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM.
Ranma ran like the wind, hastening away from the twitching, crumpled mass that had been the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. This whole world was insane! He rounded a corner and ran into a veritable wall of water. He stopped dead, and wiped his (now her) streaming eyes.
Kodachi dropped the wrench she had used to shut off the water from the fire hydrant and skipped over to Ranma, looking as cute as could be in her St. Hebereke fuku. "Did I do that, Ranma darling? I'm so sorry," she burst out. She bit her lip and clasped her hands in front of her, looking up at Ranma contritely. "I've been very bad, haven't I, getting your clothes all wet like that, so they cling revealingly to your strong yet supple waist and your firm young breasts. I must be punished for that, I know." Her gaze grew so hot it seemed to scorch Ranma's face as her voice beseeched, "Punish me, please!"
Ranma fled over the rooftops until Kodachi's pleas were left far behind. Finally she collapsed on top of a small store and lay panting, trying to recover. This couldn't go on. She had to figure out what to do.
She lay on the roof and stared up at the sky. She had gotten used to out-of-the-way things happening, but this was a little much even for her to handle. She idly watched the scattered clouds scudding like small boats across the vast blue sea of the heavens. It seemed as if one small cloud was being pursued by a host of others. "Probably its fiancées," she mused with a slight smile. Mildly diverted by the conceit, she continued, "So that one's me, and that one could be Ucchan with her spatula, with Shampoo over there, followed by Mousse in duck form, and that one over there would be Akane with her mallet...." She broke off, depressed anew. What she wouldn't have given just then to see Akane running after her, mallet or no. Finally, when she had caught her breath, she sat up and tried to think.
First thing to do was figure out what was going on. State the problem - her memories didn't agree with anyone else's or with such facts as she had checked. Her initial suspicion, that either Cologne or Shampoo had used Formula 110 on everyone, didn't account for the fact that evidence of Akane's life had been erased, as well. Could they have done something more, a spell perhaps, that wiped Akane completely out of existence, including all memories of her? It hadn't affected Ranma, though. Additionally, as Cologne observed, if they had that much power, they wouldn't have wasted all that time waiting for him to make up his mind. Scratch them off, at least tentatively.
Seemed like magic had to be involved somehow. Her mind wandered over stories she'd read, about wishes gone wrong and such. Had she maybe said something dumb to Akane like, "I wish I wasn't engaged to you?" No, there were too many changes in this world to be accounted for simply by Akane not having been born. Maybe she'd said something like, "This life really stinks! Anything would have to be better than this!" If so, she'd certainly found out otherwise! She considered, but couldn't recall anything like that. Really, she'd been getting along pretty well with Akane, ever since the near wedding. Okay, if not her wish, what about somebody else? Only problem was she couldn't think of anybody who really ended up better in this world. Also, if this was someone else's doing, why should she have retained her memory of the ways things had been, when apparently no one else had?
In the end, it came down to the two possibilities Cologne had mentioned. As a result of a spell cast by this Xiar Min, either she'd swapped worlds with another Ranma, or many of her memories, including all the ones involving Akane, were false. She shied away instinctively from the latter choice. Akane not real? Her memories of Akane were more real and more vivid to her than anything or anyone else in this whole crazy city. Maybe that indicated it had in fact been a dream.
It was more than just Akane though. Everything in this place seemed like some nightmarish version of what her mind insisted was reality. Engaged to Nabiki? She remembered the brief period when the engagement had been transferred and shuddered. This Nabiki actually wanted to marry her, it seemed, so there wouldn't be any easy way out. The current version of Ukyo would have failed a try-out for a role as the first season Sailor Moon for being TOO whiny and annoying. Shampoo with a temper like Akane's, or worse? It didn't even bear thinking about.
She tried to find some fault in her recollections, some indication that they had been implanted. It was a difficult thing to do; the abyss yawned beneath her. If she couldn't trust her memory, could she trust her senses - scratch that line of thought, it didn't lead anywhere worthwhile. Thing was, she desperately wanted her memories to be real. It could be that the right thing to do was let them erase her memory, but she simply couldn't do it. It would be too much like watching Akane die again - no, worse, for there would be no one to remember Akane, no one to mourn her. She bared her teeth in a silent snarl. She'd never let anyone take Akane away from her before; she wasn't about to start now.
Very well, assume that Akane is real. Perhaps it was madness to do so - then Ranma would embrace madness, and gladly. Therefore she had come here from another world. What then? How did she get back? She had no idea how to travel between worlds. Even Ryoga had never gotten that lost, as far as she knew. It seemed as if this Xiar Min was the reason she was here, but that was no help. The Amazon would have no reason to aid Ranma, even if she were able to undo her own spell. She dropped her head into her hands. "Damn it! What the hell can I do?"
She needed help, but there was no one to turn to. "Can't go to Nabiki, she wants to marry me for some reason. Can't go to Cologne, she wants me to marry Shampoo. This ain't the sort of problem I can solve myself, but I got no choice."
Suddenly she stiffened. She was trying to solve this problem the way Nabiki might, by reasoning it out. Of course she wasn't getting anywhere! She needed to attack this the way a premier martial artist would, the way she attacked other problems. Most of her problems were of the same basic type: someone challenges you. Solution: beat him up. A few problems were more complicated: Akane gets kidnapped, or you're trapped in girl form by a magic ladle. Two step solution: find the person responsible and then beat him up. Follow it through then. Trapped in another world? Solution: beat someone up. The only tricky part was deciding on the appropriate person to pummel. Ranma smiled. Even that part wasn't too hard. "So I've got the plan. Wring out these clothes, and change back to a guy, 'cause I'll need to be one. Then find the person I'm looking for. Ought to be around here someplace, since she'd need to see if her plan worked, and carry out any further revenge. Then, beat her up - or at least threaten to." It would be dangerous, very much so, but it was the only chance she had. Her course of action clear, she took off her clothes, silently praying that she at least be spared this world's version of Happosai. "Course he's probably a priest or something." Perhaps the gods took pity on her, as she was able to complete her task without interruption. She leaped down from the roof to find some hot water and begin the hunt.
It might seem a difficult, even impossible task to find a person you've never seen before in a city as large as Tokyo. Ranma didn't expect much trouble. "Since I can always find a fight, even when I don't want one, if I swear that the only person I'm going to fight is Xiar Min I should run across her pretty quickly." The correctness of his rather specious reasoning appeared to be borne out when, after an hour of searching, he espied an elderly woman, dressed in clothes similar to Cologne's, sitting in a small park studying an ancient scroll.
He walked quietly up behind her until he could have touched her on the shoulder. So engrossed was she in her reading that she didn't even appear to notice him. "Xiar Min!"
The old woman leaped as if he'd goosed her and spun around. "Who said - you!"
Ranma grinned humorlessly. "Yeah, me. That was a really nasty spell you put on me, witch. It was sheer luck I managed to find my way back at all. You put me through hell, old woman, and I'm here to pay you back, in spades!" He lashed out at her with a punch that just missed taking her head off as she flipped back out of the way. He leaped in to the attack.
Ranma evaluated his opponent as they fought, and concluded that she was definitely inferior to Cologne. Frankly, she wasn't quite as good as he was, and he could beat her, had that been his goal. As it was, she couldn't touch him, and he made sure that he never connected with his full strength - just enough to rattle her and keep her on edge. "Is this the best you can do, old mummy? I can see why you never had a chance against Cologne. Since you're so old, I'll try not to beat you too bad. Hey, maybe I'll even leave a few of your bones unbroken!"
The old woman snarled at him. A scarlet glow surrounded her right hand, and with a throwing motion she launched a searing hot ball of some flaming liquid at him. Avoiding it easily, he laughed at her. "Pathetic! I was expecting a workout here, and I haven't even broken a sweat!"
She gestured again, then staggered as a large brass bell dropped from above and hit her on the head. Ranma's laughter this time was unfeigned, as he dodged a deluge of stuffed animals and kitchen utensils raining from the sky. "What's the problem? You only managed to come up with one good spell, and you used it up on me last time?"
"Used up! I'll show you who's used up!" the sorceress spat. Reaching into a pouch hanging at her side, she flung something at him. Ranma nearly dodged it before he got a good look at the cloud of green dust flying at him with unnatural speed. Stumbling, he managed to get himself coated with the strange powder. He looked up to see Xiar Min pull something like a small doll from her pouch. She held the doll over her head and tugged at a string wound around the figure. A shrill squealing noise was set up, that climbed higher and higher in tone until Ranma was forced to clap his hands over his ears in a vain attempt to block the horrid sounds threatening to shatter his skull. Just as the scream reached its unbearable crescendo, Ranma fell into blessed unconsciousness, his last thought being, "I hope to hell this works."
He rose slowly from the murky depths of unconsciousness, heading with all his strength for the light that lay before him. He struggled to focus, but the pain in his head caused the scene before him to blur as tears welled in his eyes. Hadn't he been through this already? At the edge of his senses he noticed something, a taste like lavender laughter. "That damn vatch again!"
"Ranma? Ranma, are you all right?"
That voice. He knew that voice. He struggled up to a sitting position. Once the pain subsided, he opened his eyes cautiously and was rewarded with the sight of Akane kneeling by his futon, a look of concern leavened with happiness on her face.
"Ranma, do you - do you remember me?" she asked hopefully.
In response he threw his arms around her and pulled her to him in a tight embrace. "Akane! Thank the gods I'm back!'
"Ah, Ranma, you can let go of me now. Ranma. Ranma, what are you doing!"
Ranma suddenly realized what was going on and let go of her hastily. Akane settled back, looking flushed but not entirely displeased. "I was going to ask if you were back to normal, but apparently you're not," she said with attempted severity.
"Uh, well, you see," Ranma began, before her earlier words registered. "Wait, you said something about me remembering you. Can you tell me what happened? The last thing I recall is sparring with you in the dojo."
"You suddenly collapsed," she said with a frown. "You were unconscious for three days, then, when you woke up, you were acting really weird, even for you. You claimed you didn't know me at all, and you were really mean to everybody. You were yelling at Shampoo and Ukyo, you accused Nabiki of trying to poison you, and kept talking about Ryoga trying to kill you. It was all we could do to keep you from running away. Then, after a few hours, you collapsed again, and you just woke up now. You don't remember any of that?"
"Not exactly," Ranma hedged. So his double hadn't made a good impression. Ranma felt sorry for him, and hoped things wouldn't go too badly for him when he woke up back in his own world. "You might say I was - ah - somewhere else at the time."
He looked at Akane kneeling next to him, so close, so cute, and so infinitely dear to him. Time to tell her, he thought. He'd seen a vision of life without her, and frankly, it sucked. "Akane, there's something I gotta tell you."
"What is it?"
"Akane, I - I - I'm really glad I'm back." Damn, chickened out again.
"Why, where exactly did you go?" she asked him with a quizzical look.
To hell, Akane. And the thing that made it hell was that you weren't there. "I - ah - I'll tell you later." Oh, well. He had time. All the time in the world - this world, anyway. He threw back his head and laughed for sheer joy. Life was good.
Epilog
"Great-grand-mother, over here!"
Cologne found Shampoo in a small park, kneeling by the body of Ranma Saotome as the setting sun dyed the scene in lurid tints of crimson and gold. "The same as last time, Shampoo?"
"Yes. Ranma not wake up, and green dust on clothes." Shampoo swore an Amazon oath so horrible it stunned a passing squirrel and killed all the grass in a three-foot radius. "Xiar Min dead woman!"
"Time enough to worry about that later," the matriarch advised her wearily. "Pick son-in-law up and carry him back to the Tendos' house."
Shampoo complied and the pair set off. After a few minutes, Shampoo said, "Great-grand-mother, what happen when Ranma wake up? He be okay?" The gruffness in her voice failed to disguise her concern.
"I don't know, child." Cologne sighed. "If Xiar Min managed to cast the spell again, there are several possible outcomes. If our Ranma was indeed switched with one from another world, it may be that casting the spell again has switched them back. Or perhaps we may end up with a Ranma from yet another world. If the original spell instead implanted false memories, he may awake with some new delusions. Or..." she hesitated.
"Or what?" When Cologne said nothing, Shampoo persisted. "Or what? Shampoo not child."
"If the second spell acts to reinforce the first, it may be that Ranma will find himself back in his dream world, a dream from which he may never wake up." Cologne glanced up at her descendant as she strode along. Unshed tears glittered in Shampoo's eyes, but she managed to repress any other sign of the tumultuous emotions that Cologne knew were raging in her bosom.
"So Ranma wake up okay, or wake up crazy, or maybe not wake up at all," Shampoo summarized flatly. "And no can tell until Ranma wake up."
Cologne said nothing. She looked at Ranma's face as he lay limply in Shampoo's arms. It bore a look of peace that she had seldom seen there. She thought, "When I heard you in the hall, Ranma, and warned you what would happen, I hoped you might find the solution I couldn't. I see you did. I hope - " her thoughts broke off. She wasn't sure what she hoped. When she had listened to Ranma describing his life with Akane Tendo, she had been most struck by something that had apparently escaped his other auditors - this Ranma was happy. She had seen Ranma in many moods, but happiness had seldom been one of them. In the end, she had found herself unable to destroy that happiness. "If you came here from another world," she thought, "I hope you are back with your Akane. If all the things you told me were nothing more than a dream, then I hope you have found your happiness once more. Dream of her, son-in-law - no, son, and be content." She shook her head. Perhaps she was getting too old for this. "Let's hurry up, Shampoo. I'm feeling my years today, and I'd like to get some sleep before son-in-law awakens and things start all over again." Sometimes the young had a point. Sometimes life really sucked.
The End